Week 19: Christmas in Flux

As I mentioned in last week's posting, Christmas has always been a letdown for me, and this year was no exception. In fact, "abysmal" would not adequately describe it. I spent Christmas eve in the hospital--no joke. Immediately after lunch, I came down with the mother of all migraines. I've never had one before, and migraines don't run in my family. The doctors put an IV in my arm, and gave me a painkiller that knocked me out. (A enormous amount of gratitude go to N and M, who not only brought me to the hospital, they checked up on me every few hours. Thanks, ladies!) I missed the Christmas dinner that I helped plan, and completely missed Christmas with my sister and my Hanoi friends. I guess I'm smarting more from the bill than the actual migraine--the bill came to over 700 dollars--the most expensive headache I've ever had. Who knew that overactive electrical impulses would cost so much? Thank god I have insurance...

My friend N, upon reading my blog for the first time, asked me "why all the pessimism?" I must admit, the tone of the past few postings have been a bit disillusioned and gloomy, although I did not intentionally mean for it to be so. Things in my life right now are currently in flux--an experience akin to breaking out of a cramped cocoon of a past life. Like Sigmund Freud said, birth, as beautiful and as life-affirming as it is, is also a painful and traumatic experience, which is why humans enter this world crying. I guess the experience I am currently undergoing is apropos, as it is Christmas, a season of rebirth and renewal. New Years is coming up, and I will certainly think about a number of resolutions.

So to put it simply, I miss my mom and dad. I miss my close friends. I'm having a hard time being away from them at Christmas.

In light of N's question, I suppose this would be a good time to restate the "Modus Operandi" of the blog. As solipsistic as this may sound, I intended for this blog serves as a diary for me to document my thoughts. I wanted to document the experience of living abroad for an extended period of time--the exhilaration of learning a city intimately, the joy of making new friends, as well as disillusionments, frustrations, and anxieties that comes with such an experience. I never intended for this to be a travelogue in any way--I'm not interested in writing only the sights and sounds from point-of-view of a transient outsider.

So despite the fact that the Grinch (or rather, my misfiring synapses) stole my Christmas, I deeply hope that all my family and friends had a great Christmas, filled with loved ones, rest, laughter, warmth, great food and lots of tinsel. I love you all, and miss you so much. Merry Christmas!

Love Always,
Martina